i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
