The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
