I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
