Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
