Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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