She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize