I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
