Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
