I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
