i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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