We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
