i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
