if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
