I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
