so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize