I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
