I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
