I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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