People in love make me want to vomit
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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