i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
