I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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