She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
