OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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