I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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