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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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