I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
