how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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