I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
