It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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