I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
