I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
