HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize