I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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