Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize