I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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