I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize