Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
