He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize