Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
