Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
