i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize