This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
