thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
