WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize