Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
