My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
