And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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