life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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