He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
