You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
