A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
