He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize