as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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