I don't think brook has ever known best
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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