She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
