So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you inspire me to be a worse person
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
