What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
