This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
