Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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