I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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