i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
