A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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