like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
