She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
