She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
