I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
