Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
