If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
