He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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