Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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