our cab driver is having phone sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
