oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
