before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
