no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
