we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
