so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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