so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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