but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize