dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
