I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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