mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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