I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
