I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
