Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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